A Sojourn to Hell

It's been a big day for Michael; enjoying his favourite pastimes, a bit of lesbian porn and ordering some door knocking Christians to f#%k off and go to hell.

During the night, Michael is woken by a persistent rapping on his door. After investigating, a raven wanders into his abode delivering a cordial invitation to visit Satan in hell. Not exactly Disneyland, but who can resist a free holiday.

So before Michael has a chance to scratch you know where, he finds himself nervously standing before the dark prince. But wait, Michael's heart still beats, a definite no no in the underworld. An embarrassed Satan says it's a mistake, or is it?

The devil is apologetic and offers to relinquish his inevitable claim on Michael's soul if he performs one small errand. Oh, nothing special, just assist in bringing the resident dwarf from the Southgate Shopping Complex (Michael's second home) to Satan in hell and Michael avoids a return visit upon his death.

Not exactly mowing the lawn, is it?

Michael begrudgingly accepts and in accordance with the devil's instructions, he manoeuvres the dwarf in front of the Dunkin Donuts shop at Southgate. He soon notices unmistakable signs that Satan is betraying him. So as the deadline nears, he intuitively dives out of the path of an unexpected, tumbling electrical cable and thus avoids being prematurely toasted.

Next it's back to hell for our hero where he admonishes Satan for his treachery, informing him he apologized to the Christians thus cleansing his soul. That's what I call a get out of jail card.

But it gets worse for Michael; in keeping a promise, he now sits in a dreaded church suffering alongside the Christians as a familiar but unexpected visitor sits beside him.